So mother and father dearest have been doing Tai Chi for about a year, right. And every time they come back from a lesson MM and DD always ure me to come join them, get ‘fit’ and learn Tai Chi. And every time I think, yeah sure. I know I’m majorly unfit and I swear that raspberry cheesecake has just added another two inches to my thighs, but how the hell is Tai Chi going to give me a cardiovascular workout? How is it going to help me get rid of the fat I have been consuming at an alarming pace as of late? (There’s cellulite on my legs! I’m too young for cellulite!) So MM and DD have been working slowly away at my defences, taking turns to prey on me when I am at a weak point (like an after-dinner over-the-TV convo – is it just me or is my life beginning to revolve around food?) and I’ve finally relented to go see what it’s like for myself. Well, not the Tai Chi classes themself, but another Tai Chi-based martial arty class. Thing. Anyway, so we drive to the place and there are all these people punching the life out of their partner’s punch bags and it was totally like a kickboxing class. That I can seriously get into. But then I realized I’d have to go through a few years of basic Tai Chi to be able to do the classes, “appreciate the form and learn to harness your chi”. I’m not lying; the master really did say that!

But let’s talk about Andrew … Okay, maybe it’s wrong to think someone twice your age or more is attractive. So sue me! You haven’t seen Andrew! I got the impression he was a bit aloof, but he is so gorgeously elegant and coordinated that it’s really not fair. Maybe it’s a lefty thing, but I have a serious coordination problem telling my lefts from rights. Which so does not help when you’re trying to dance! And then the sport teacher tells you’re the reverse your steps and you’re screwed because you didn’t know what the hell you were doing in the first place and she’s like, go right, no RIGHT dammit, and you’re like I’m trying, I’m trying, do you know how bloody hard this is, and she hates you anyway coz you’re not a sports freak like she is … sorry. Rambling.

Andrew. He’s doing some really basic moves as everyone else but at twice the speed and looks so much more graceful. He’s better than the dude who’s been learning for the last ten years. Andrew stops for a drink and a rest and he lifts up his shirt to wipe his face … mental hand fanning! … He is so hot!!!!!!!! And then they take out the mats and practice falling and throwing people. It looks like fun. Then there’s this guy in a pink shirt and gold chain – I’m not a homophobe but I swear he is gay, what straight man in his right mind would wear a pink shirt? Though I suppose DD does, but that’s because it got caught in with the reds and his own cheapness prevented him from getting another one. But he doesn’t wear the pink shirt anymore so I guess he’s exempt – and the guy in the pink shirt keeps ‘struggling’ to master the bodily throw which involves getting the person on your hip and flinging them forward. And since Andrew was the model who everyone was throwing … hell, I don’t blame him for wanting to get closer to Andrew! Perhaps I’m seeing things again, but I swear Pink Shirt touched him on the arse quite a few times … and a mighty fine arse at that too … okay, I’ll stop!

So we drive back home and on the way there’s a pretty nasty car accident and they’ve put dinky little red and blue flashing lights on the fluorescent orange road cones. What a wonderful end to the day.

Oh crap. You know what I’ve just realized? My parents have just about conned me into doing Tai Chi!

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