So I guess the school year has gotten off without much of a hitch. Except for the fact that most of my friends aren’t in my class and I’ve been lumped in with the one and only Ditz. Lovely. Coming back drunk and dazed from the summer holidays means that most of your teachers are prepared to cut you some slack. Lucky for me. Speaking of which, the Tim Tam people have started to make alcoholic biscuits. Along with the chocolate slice people. Only in the twenty-first century …

Anyway, wasn’t I talking about school? Ah yes, the daily monotony of waking up three hours before you really want to and eating skyrocketing overpriced canteen food (even the plastic forks cost 20 cents, for God’s sake) before rushing off to a class you know you’re going to be late for even if you tried. Don’t get me wrong, though. It’s not like I don’t enjoy every minute of it. And you can interpret that comment any way you want to.

So here’s a low-down on what promises to be an interesting year:

Science. Remember those class sets of educational books from way back when that they still keep in schools because they’re too mean to buy new ones? Yeah, well our teacher looks like he hopped out of one of those books. Thick-framed coke-bottle glasses, mousy patterned sweatshirts and longish, thinning hair that’s bald on top. Yes folks, our science teacher is an eighties throwback.

French. First day back and she makes us get straight to work learning irregular verbs. Come on woman, who makes students actually work on their first day back?? Any bets that French this year will not be the designated bludge class.

Maths. The novelty of our graphic calculators still hasn’t worn off. Which I guess says a lot about what kind of maths class I’m in this year. As much as I hate to admit it.

We had our first class in this year’s first aid course. Besides making us fill out a ‘get to know you’ survey that not only keeps us occupied but also gives the teacher some cushy free time while we do it (double whammy) they showed us a first aid motor vehicle accident video – “Number one: protect yourself. You can’t help others if you’re dead.”

Geography. Our geography teacher is evil! I mean it! Dana happens to be writing in her notebook while our teacher is talking. “Girls, please don’t write while I’m talking or I will come over and rip your work up and you’ll have to start it all over again. That won’t be very nice, will it?” And all that with a manic smile plastered on her face and a crazy look in her eyes.

Now as I’ve reiterated many times before, I don’t like to stereotype because the labelled are theoretically very nice people. But seriously, I’m struggling here. This is my computer teacher … “Now girls, our new operating system Mac OS ten – well actually it says Mac OS X but it’s uncool to call it that so I call it Mac OS ten.” Enough said.

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