I’m idling a weekend afternoon away when MD sits down next to me and begins to blast me with A Talk. Thankfully not The Talk, or one of its innumerable variants, but a Talk nevertheless. She starts off with a reasonably open-ended “let me tell you a story”.

“Once there was this girl that your father was really into. Now this was a bright and attractive girl, with a lot going for her. Your father really liked her, but she didn’t feel the same way. You see, back then there were four things that a girl would look for to judge whether a man was suitable for marriage. One was educational level, like how far he had gone in school or college and whether he had any qualifications. Two was occupation, whether he had a white-collar job. Three was looks and four was how much money his family had. Your father was very hardworking or studious but he was still going through college at the time so he didn’t have any qualifications and he was working in a factory to support himself. He wasn’t much of a looker and his family wasn’t rich so your poor dad didn’t have anything going for him! So naturally she wasn’t interested.

“Anyway, one day she made some bad beauty product choices and got this terrible acne that just wouldn’t go away. She was a lovely girl, but from then on she never really had much confidence in herself anymore. She ended up getting married to this Canadian man that a friend introduced to her. When she was forty. Forty! So the moral is: never mess around with skincare products while you’re still young and don’t need them.”

WHAT THE????

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