Today we were all out of uniform for some program they’re making us do this year. Next term for a week they’re going to let us loose in the city. Like, without any adult supervision. During school hours. In our school dresses, for god’s sake! Which apparently will make us safer in a crowd (oh yes, I can totally see the next J.K. Rowling masterpiece – Harry Potter and the Magical School Uniforms) but ummm? Not only will all everyone think there is a mass influx of kids wagging, which will reflect REALLY badly on the school, but groups of hapless-looking schoolgirls in ultra-short skirts and knee-high socks wandering around? Hellooooo, paedophiles! So it’s just like they’re going, um, yes, all, of you, go into the city. For a week. And make up your own research projects. And, um… organise it all yourselves. If you ask me, they’re just begging for trouble. (Slackarses!)

But yeah, I was talking about us being out of uniform, right? So we’re having a whole year level meeting in the gym because all the other meeting rooms were taken and there are no chairs so we all had to sit on the floor. I’ve just sat down, and Katie’s absolutely cacking herself next to me. She whispers, look at the girls in front of you. I look straight ahead and there’s no one in my line of vision so I’m like, what? She goes, no, to your right a little. And sitting there, totally oblivious, are two girls with the waists of their hipster jeans halfway down to the floor. On one girl, you could see about two and a half inches of her bright pink knickers, while on the other one you could fully see a flabby expanse of arse. Oh god, it was so wrong! Then I looked around the room and had the misfortune of seeing very very much of the same. Seriously, so much crack should not be seen west of Columbia! Someone ought to have whipped out their camera phone and taken a picture, then hung it on a “who’s been flashing their arse” wall of shame. These girls really need to see how terrible it all is for those of us who have to see it. I’m sorry, but no matter how fashionable low-riding pants are right now, lily-white butt crack is never a good look.

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