Yes, I know, it’s been a while since my last proper update but I’ve been oh so dreadfully busy trying to stay on top of things that there simply hasn’t been the time, dahlings, to keep track of it all. And it’s now two and a half weeks until exams and it feels as though I’ve learnt nothing at all the entire year and by god, everything’s happening as if I’m the drunk on the morning after, stumbling around telling other people not to move so fast.

So what’s new? I’m in the cast of the school play, as I knew I would be (because arrogance is sooo becoming in drama types, NOT) and rehearsals have just kicked into full gear – opening night on Thursday and so far it’s going swimmingly – swimming in unremembered lines that is, and missed cues and costume dramas and makeup that you wouldn’t want to encounter in the back of a dark alleyway. (Well okay, it’s actually not as disastrous as I’m making it out to be.) “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” – one of the more perverted Shakespeares, which is going to be interesting. I love the play, but alack, alack, the dearth of female characters is rather lamentable. No Titania or Helena for me, the majority of the girls are fairies but hey, at least we’ve got parts at all. The set is absolutely amazing, though – they’ve got 3-metre white pillars and a life-sized bridge, and an actual tree on stage because our brother school is so freaking rich that they use five-dollar notes instead of toilet paper in their bathrooms.

Costumes! Our costume director found a whole stack of brand-new bridesmaids’ outfits in a horrendous shade of berry pink at the op shop for something like three bucks each, and at first we were absolutely mortified by the colour, cut and horrible fit, but then she dyed them bullet grey and we got to hack it up with scissors real good. (REAL good.) I don’t know how many hours I spent stabbing myself in the fingers with little fiddly needles trying to sew leaves onto my skirt, but now I have an awesome fairy costume at the end of it so I’m not complaining. Hair and makeup on the other hand… every single precious hair on my poor mistreated head is teased and back-combed beyond recognition and they use garden wire and a whole bottle of hairspray between the six of us in one night to keep it all in a giant matted fuzzball hovering somewhere above our heads. To top it off, we have bright green eye shadow purposely running down our faces so the overall effect is that we’ve stuck a fork in the power socket and died. Lovely. Every time I turn a corner and run into someone they scream and shrink back into the wall so it’s kinda not the most flattering of looks, and kinda isn’t much of a kicker for our self-esteems. (Yeah. Maaaaybe just kinda.)

(I’ve gotten so used to all of it by now that I’ve almost forgotten that I have it on. After rehearsal last night, I walked to the supermarket with my full stage makeup and electric hair because I couldn’t be stuffed taking it all off, and I received the whole gamut of strange looks and horrified double-takes and I could not for the life of me figure out what it was about me until I got home and looked in the mirror and had a heart attack. Interestingly though, the checkout chick hardly batted an eye as I paid for my bread and fetta – they must get so used to seeing absolute freaks pass through all the time that it’s seriously passé.)

The boys, though… they are the funniest bunch of weirdos I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. One licks his Pringles before he puts them in his mouth. Another has developed a bizarre attachment to a blister on his right hand. I ask you, is that normal?! Or am I the one who’s the freak around here? The other day the whole lot of them rocked up to rehearsal in full bagpipes-and-ye-bonnie-wee-lass Scottish regalia after some school event or similar. And yet another proceeded to do cartwheels across the stage. In a kilt. Which was more than I EVER needed to know about men in kilts. I’ll let you figure out the answer to THAT question.

The male fairies are something else. Our Oberon (king of the fairies – SNORT, poor guy gets so much flack for that) is awfully, awfully good-looking, as all Oberons should be, and has the hottest line in the entire play – “Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania,” oh my gosh I’m still getting over how hot that line is – and is topless for the whole of his stage time and if I was in the audience I would just about fall off my seat. As is Puck, who is seriously built (and on the first rehearsal checked me out with the most obvious once-over like you WOULDN’T BELIEVE – okay, so I was wearing a skirt that came down to midthigh at the time, but it was 30 degrees outside and he didn’t have to be THAT obvious about it, did he?), and was previously blond (BLOND! I drool) but now has purple hair because he washed out the black hair dye too early. And they’re both wearing tight leather pants and have Cleopatra-heavy eyeliner and face paint snake and barbed wire motifs running up their arms, which make them look like very very angry fairies indeed. Probably just to look more masculine in order to offset the inherent campness of being male fairies. But even the fairy thing doesn’t detract from the hotness thing – God help me if I get too drunk at the after-party – I shan’t be held responsible for my actions…

So all this week I’m not going to get any homework done, and by the time I’m fully recovered it will be one and a half weeks before exam time and I shall prepare to bid farewell to any vestiges of sanity still remaining. But, fingers crossed, it will be an awesome play if I manage not to completely embarrass myself by doing something totally idiotic in my first scene like trip over the stairs and land flat on my face. Can’t wait.

Wish me luck.

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